Hello, bath lovers, muscle-ache warriors, and anyone who’s ever sighed “I just need five minutes” at the end of a long day. Welcome to The Schmoo Bath Salts Club – where minerals meet mischief, and your tub becomes a five-star spa (minus the overpriced robe).
First, Meet the Dream Team (The Base That Never Changes)
Every jar of Schmoo starts with the same rock-solid squad:
- Magnesium Sulphate [Epsom Salts] – the muscle whisperer
- Pink Himalayan Salt – 84 minerals and a subtle blush
- Dead Sea Salt – hydration royalty — Moroccan Red Clay – gentle detox + that dreamy rosy water
- Polysorbate 80 – the oil-dispersing fairy (no greasy ring, promise)
Then? We sprinkle in pure essential oils like flavour to a gin & tonic. Four fragrances. Four moods. One very happy bath.
The Schmoo Scent Menu (Pick Your Vibe)
| Fragrance | Smells Like | Best For | Emoji Mood |
|---|---|---|---|
| Lime | Zesty margarita on a sunny balcony | Monday morning wake-up call | 🍈✨ |
| Rose Geranium | A posh English garden after rain | “I deserve this” evenings | 🌹🛁 |
| Lavender | Freshly laundered linen in Provence | Netflix & chill (with zero guilt) | 💜😴 |
| Lemon | Lemon drizzle cake, but make it zen | Post-gym glow-up | 🍋🌞 |
Pro tip: Can’t choose? Rotate weekly. Your bath will thank you. Your skin will write you poetry.
Why 800g? Because 500g is a Teaser, 1kg is a Commitment
We tested every size known to humankind.
- 300g? Cute, but gone in two baths.
- 1.5kg? You’ll forget it exists in the cupboard.
800g is Goldilocks-approved:
- 5–6 luxurious soaks (or 8 if you’re a “just a handful” rebel)
- Fits perfectly on your bathroom shelf (no Tetris required)
- Feels generous without judging your life choices
How to Schmoo (It’s Foolproof, We Promise)
- Run the bath – warm, not scalding (save the lobster impression for seafood night)
- Scoop 2–3 generous handfuls (about 150g) under the tap
- Swirl like you’re conducting an orchestra
- Slide in. Stay 20 minutes.
- Emerge softer, calmer, and slightly smug
Bonus: Leave the jar open on the side – instant bathroom perfume. You’re welcome.
The Science Bit (But Make It Fun)
- Magnesium → sneaks through your skin to tell tense muscles: “Chill, mate.”
- Minerals → hydrate like a fancy facial, but for your whole body
- Red clay → pulls out the day’s nonsense, leaves glow
- Essential oils → aromatherapy that actually works (no crystals required)
Real Schmoo Moments (From Real Humans)
“Used Lime after a 10k run. My legs forgave me. My flatmate stole the jar.” – Alex, London
“Lavender turned my 7pm panic into 7pm peace. I’m converted.” – Ems, Aberdeen
The Schmoo Promise
- Hand-blended in small batches (no factory robots)
- No nasties, no synthetics, no funny business
- UK-made, fully compliant, patch-test friendly
- Recyclable glass jar (because planet > plastic)
Ready to Schmoo?
Grab your 800g jar of Bath Salts and turn “ugh” into “ahhh”.
Because self-care shouldn’t be complicated. It should just feel this good.
Now go run that bath. We’ll wait. 🛁✨
P.S. First time? Start with Rose Geranium. It’s like a hug from a very chic aunt. Returning Schmooer? Try Lime – it’s basically happiness in salt form.
Shop the Schmoo Bath Salts Range → Beautiful Bath Salts